I’ll Be Happy When…
I’ll Be Happy When…
I hear this from my clients often.
“I’ll be happy when…”
When I make enough money.
When I get the promotion.
When I find the right partner.
When I lose weight.
Fill in the blank.
Understanding the "I’ll Be Happy When" Mindset
The message we give ourselves (not just my clients) goes way beyond a desire to improve our lives. This can easily morph into a sense of not-enoughness as we chase after the prize that feels elusive. And worse, over time, we can begin to feel as if there is something wrong with us because we can’t seem to reach the summit (oftentimes despite gravity problems that make the climb impossible for many).
Over time, thoughts that inspire hope and optimism are replaced by thoughts that lead to hopelessness and shame due to giving in to the belief that we are not enough where we are now, or even as we are. We start to believe there is something inherently wrong with us—not just where we are in time and space, but that there is something fundamentally wrong with who we are as human beings.
So what do we do?
Breaking the Cycle of Unworthiness
We attempt to fill the void of unworthiness with anything that helps us avoid painful feelings of shame, guilt, anger, and loneliness—distracting ourselves with work, money, substances, food, sex, approval, achievement, technology, and so on and so forth.
Relief and connection are now at our fingertips twenty-four hours a day, and, adding insult to injury, our culture dictates that if we don’t get on board with technology and AI, we will be left further behind in the various spaces it infiltrates.
We are consumed just as we consume.
The Path to True Meaning and Connection
Thoughts along the lines of “I’m not where I want to be, and my life is unbearable” become the cage of our own creation. We are stuck. We are distracted from learning how to be with ourselves, and we are left feeling even more isolated and disconnected.
Because… If I’m not worthy of being with me, how can I be worthy of being with you?
We are absolutely missing it. If we continue to focus on what we are lacking, we routinely miss the chance to feel gratitude for how extraordinary life already is.
So what do we do?
We can be intentional about finding the opportunities right here, right now—opportunities to find moments of joy, awe, wonder, and gratitude; opportunities where we can find what we are really seeking—moments of meaning and connection.
Your Invitation to Trust the Process
In Brainspotting, we often say: trust the process.
And that is your invitation.
To slow down.
To practice patience with yourself and with others.
To stop chasing happiness long enough to realize what you seek most is already here, even if you can’t see it.
And this requires faith. Faith in ourselves, each other, and also in the process.
Find proof you have already arrived every single day.
If you're tired of chasing 'enoughness' and want to explore how Brainspotting can help you find presence and peace, let’s connect. Book a free discovery call here.