The Power—and Difficulty—of Choice
Choices can feel complicated. In the past, we may not have had choices at all. We may have been too young, too dependent, or too afraid to act differently. We survived by adapting—by freezing, appeasing, or disconnecting. Those responses were brilliant acts of survival then. But as adults, they can keep us locked in patterns that no longer serve us.
When old wounds split open, it’s easy to feel hijacked by familiar sensations—shame, fear, helplessness, confusion. Activation is hard. It can feel like being transported back in time to a moment when choice wasn’t an option.
But here’s the thing: recognizing that we have choices now—even in the midst of ongoing uncertainty—is where healing begins.
Why Do We Forget We Have Choices?
We forget because trauma (whether old or new) teaches the body that safety comes from predictability. It tells us: Don’t move. Don’t change. Don’t take risks.
This pattern can continue long after an event or experience has passed. Our nervous systems can remain frozen, confusing what’s familiar with what’s safe.
When something reminds us of old pain, our system doesn’t always check in with the present—it defaults to the past. That’s why we sometimes find ourselves reacting to today’s challenges with yesterday’s strategies. Our brains and bodies are simply trying to protect us the best way they know how.
So when we freeze, fawn, or shut down—it’s not failure. It’s a memory. A living imprint—conscious or not—that still needs tending and release.
Remembering this helps us bring compassion to the parts of ourselves that still believe we don’t have a choice.
How Do We Find Our Power Again?
Making intentional choices can feel like walking through fire. It asks us to pause before reacting, to breathe before defaulting into old patterns. It asks us to face uncertainty—to sit with the discomfort of not knowing how things will turn out.
Choosing differently—whether that means ending a relationship, setting a boundary, or saying yes to something new—isn’t easy. It’s an act of courage and a declaration:
I am no longer powerless. I get to decide how this story unfolds now.
We find our power slowly, through awareness and practice—one choice at a time.
Pause and Orient to the Present
When you feel triggered, take a deep breath. Look around the room. Notice colors, textures, sounds, and the temperature of the air. Remind yourself gently: This moment is different. I have choices now.
Ask, “What Would Empower Me Right Now?”
Sometimes empowerment looks like taking action. Other times, it looks like resting or saying no. The question itself is powerful—it pulls us out of survival mode and back into intention.
Make Small, Consistent Choices
Healing happens through micro-decisions: choosing to nourish your body, to speak kindly to yourself, to reach out for help, or to greet the morning light. These small choices build neural pathways of safety and agency. It’s consistency over intensity.
Each choice becomes a quiet revolution inside you—a reminder that you are no longer trapped in the old story.
The Power of Choice in Fully Living
Choice isn’t just how we heal—it’s how we live. Especially in times of great uncertainty.
It’s how we say yes to possibility: starting a new career, opening to love, taking a leap that scares us, or even simply choosing to meet the day with a smile. It’s remembering that we don’t have to wait for life to change before we begin to live it differently.
Choice is the bridge between surviving and thriving. It’s how we transform activation into empowerment, and pain into purpose.
So when life feels familiar in that painful, “here we go again” kind of way—pause. Ask yourself:
“What choice do I have now that I didn’t have back then?”
That one question can change everything.